Orange County Buddhist Church  

     December 2001.  The end of the first year of the new century. It was a very eventful one for me and my family. As most of you know, my mother died in January. She had the distinct experience of having lived in three centuries, the 19th, the 20th, and the 21st, albeit only nine days into the last. She died, but our younger son and his wife had a baby boy, Aaron Kotaro. Unfortunately, she didn't have the pleasure of seeing her great-grandson before she passed on. She did get to see her great-granddaughter, Allison Mai, from our eldest son and his wife. I am not sure I will be around to see my own grandchildren, let alone any great-grandchildren.

    My mother's karma will continue to affect all of us in her family, mostly for the good, I think. If nothing more than her smile continues, that will be grand. My karma, too, will affect all in my family, for good or ill, as the case may be. I hope only the good, if any can be called good, continues on, but who knows. Of course, if I truly, really hoped that, I would do all in my power to ensure that that would be the case. Yet I know that I have not done so, nor am I likely to do so. Sure, from time to time I might do something that will affect them in a good sense, but one foolish act can spoil everything, and I know that I am also capable of such a foolish act. I don't call myself "Donkon," dull-rooted, for nothing.

    There is a Japanese word, amaeru, which means, "to presume upon (another's) love, to presume upon (another's) kindness, to take advantage of (another's) love or kindness; to behave like a spoiled child." It is a condition I have not been able to grow out of, even in relation to Amida's vows. If I truly, really entrusted myself in the 18th Vow, I would have no doubt that, even because of that, I am the target of the Vow and I am saved as I am. However, there is the lingering doubt that it is a condition that precludes being led to enlightenment, the feeling that somehow it is not right. I hope that sooner, rather than later, I am enabled to resolve this doubt and am truly able to rejoice in the fact of being saved by the Vow.

    May I extend my most heartfelt gratitude to all of you for your help and concern during my mother's funeral earlier this year and for all that you have done for me and my family throughout the year. May you, too, be enabled to resolve any doubt you may have with regard to yourself and Amida's Vow. Thank you very much.

Gassho,
Donkon Jaan, 
Rev. John Doami

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